He's Just A Writer!

I should start this with a disclaimer. I haven't read Blue Like Jazz or any other Donald Miller book, I don't read his blog, I have no idea what he teaches or what he's all about, and I have no desire to see the movie. This isn't about him, his books, his theology, his practices, or whatever - when it comes to Donald Miller, I don't know, and I don't particularly care. This post isn't about him, but about a silly argument that's making another go-round, which happens to be used around his book/movie now. It could be about anyone, he just happens to be the one in the news recently. Clear? OK then.

So at the Gospel Coalition site, they recently posted a review of the Blue Like Jazz movie. Since the book had a fair amount of controversy around it, and the movie is likely to do the same, the writer addresses that a bit. But then he dismisses the idea with lines familiar lines such as: "In the book and in his subsequent works, Miller has never claimed to be a theologian. He doesn't labor at making precise theological statements; he labors at telling compelling stories, at being truthful about life" and "Miller is just a guy with a writing gift, telling his story and the stories around him".

He's not a theologian, he's just a writer. He's not writing a theological dissertation, he's just telling stories.

Now, if you've been around the internets for a few years, you probably remember the same lines being thrown around with The Shack. To refresh your memory, here is a rough transcript of every conversation between a fan of The Shack and an eeeeevil discerning Christian:

Shack Fan: I looooooovvvvvveeeee The Shack!!1! I'm learning so much about God from it!
Reprehensible Discernment Person: Um... you should be really careful with that book. A lot of what it says about God is completely opposed to what the Bible reveals about Him. It's wrong, and it could be really harmful.
Shack Fan: Come on, it's just a story, not a theological dissertation! He's just telling a story, not writing a systematic theology! Hater!

......aaaaaand, scene!

So this isn't the first time this argument has appeared, and it certainly won't be the last. The major problem with it should be completely obvious. You cannot simultaneously claim "it's teaching me about God" and "it's not theology". It's utter nonsense. Theology is the knowledge of God. If something is teaching about God, it is necessarily theology.

Whether it comes in a scholarly dissertation, a sermon, a story, or a song, if it is making claims about God, those claims must be compared to what God reveals about Himself in scripture. Truth can be taught through proclamation, poem, proverb, and parable. The truths revealed in Psalms are no less true than those in the pastoral epistles. Scripture uses numerous genres to teach - can Jesus' parables be dismissed as 'just a story'?

Truth is communicated in various ways and genres. Same with error. If it's wrong, it's wrong whether it comes in a scholarly journal, popular book, teeny-bopper song, or trite saying. When it comes to promulgating error about God, there's no such thing as "it's just a story". Let's please put that one to rest, once and for all. I know it won't happen, but I can hope, right?

Coincidentally, it cost the same as the next stimulus bill

A guy goes out to buy a pack of smokes, charges them on his Visa. Goes home, checks his finances, and notices something a bit off. Instead of costing a couple bucks, the cigarettes he bought apparently cost more than everything in the world combined. That's right, apparently his cigarettes cost a hair over $23 quadrillion. There are some important things we can learn from this.

1) Smoking is an expensive habit.

2) Always check your credit card transactions against your receipts. You never know when a waiter will throw a couple extra bucks on your tip, or McDonald's might try to charge a couple extra billion for the large fries. As a general rule, if the amount on your statement is at least fifteen digits longer than what you expected, you should complain.

3) It took over two hours on the phone with his bank to sort this out. Let that one sink in for a while, and consider whether you want anything to do with Bank of America.

4) At first they refused to remove the overdraft fee. Well obviously, since he charged several times more money than the entire world has, they're entitled to that extra $15.

5) I'm actually somewhat afraid that the government will see this story and get an idea.

Ah, Toledo, How I Miss Thee

Living in the Chicago area has been a non-stop barrage of government so bad you sometimes can't tell the difference between corruption and incompetence. You have former governors in prison or awaiting trial. You have multiple suburbs voting overwhelmingly to leave Cook County and form our own, followed by the board president calling us uneducated ingrates who just don't understand how much they do for us (so far the list of things I've come up with is "collecting our taxes" and "????").

Recently the fun story has been Chicago leasing control of all the parking meters to a private company, a deal that was rammed through with less than two days of debate and before anyone really knew what it entailed (there's been a lot of that going in lately, it seems). They had a budget deficit of roundabouts $150 million, so they sold off control of the parking meters for a payment of $1.2 billion. Sound great, right? Sure, until you find out that the lease is for 75 years, or an average of $16 million per year. With approximately 36,000 meters in Chicago (so I hear - haven't been able to find an official count), that works out to $444 per meter per year, or just over a dollar per meter per day. Lemme put it this way: before this deal, a lot of the meters downtown were already at $3 per hour (other parts of the city were obviously less), and they were continually packed. Even without maintenance costs, they're taking way, way less than they would've made by holding on. The inspector general released a report saying as much, estimating that the market value for this lease was at least double what was settled on. So one of the aldermen responsible went on the radio to defend the lease (audio I would love to have right about now), and he made two very salient points. It doesn't matter how much money we're giving up long-term because we gots billz to pay now. And we really shouldn't matter how this will affect the city long-term, because none of us will be around by the end of the lease. Well, thanks for clearing that up! Oh, and did we mention that the mayor's nephew just happens to work for the company that bought the lease and stands to make millions in bonuses? Just a coincidence, no doubt.

So just when I start to think it can't get any more ridiculous, it's always good to see my former home Toledo make the national news. Because nobody, I mean nobody, can top the combo of incompetent, corrupt, and just plain crazy that is mayor Carty Finkbeiner. Just watch, and pray your mayor doesn't get any similar stupid ideas. (Which is worse - using garbage men to write illegal tickets, or using workers for a voter fraud and extortion organization to conduct a census?)

One more that isn't so much about bad Toledo government, but it did make the national news, so here you go. So a house is on fire, and the firement can't get into it because of a pitbull guarding it. The good news is it only took a few minutes to get past, but any delay if there was someone inside is too much. If it's me, I'm letting the pit bull drink from the fire hose, and be done with it (bonus vids: here and here). But that would no doubt upset the PETA folks (not the good ones from People for Eating Tasty Animals (keep being awesome), the insane ones), and pointing out that they could've used the axe instead or just shot the dog wouldn't satisfy them. But then again, I'm the crazy type that values human life, so what do I know?

The Bachelor - Apparently Surprising

I have no idea what happened on the season finale of The Bachelor. I was barely aware that the show is even still around. But judging by the 925 Facebook status updates (approximately) that all hit at the same time last night, apparently it was the last episode, and the guy did something extremely sleazy.

Well, I for one am shocked - shocked! - that someone associated with that show would have anything less than the highest moral integrity. I mean really, who could've seen it coming? To think that someone who'd go on that show could possibly be a sleazeball... My faith in humanity is - well, exactly where it was before.

So yeah, if you're one of those folks who was just stunned that the guy's a scumbag, could you please try to explain why you were even the least bit surprised? What, exactly, did you expect?

Random Thought

By the time they're done, who will have told more different versions of their stories - Roland Burris or Alex Rodriguez? I currently have it at Burris 4, A-Rod 3.

Dumbest Song Lyrics Ever?

I'm still jetlagged, and I've been working like crazy the last couple days. So instead of something worthwhile, you get this.

What are the worst song lyrics ever? While there are many possibilities, the dumbest I've heard in a long time come from a commercial for freecreditreport.com. I quote:

Should'a gone to free credit report dot com
I could've seen this comin' at me like an atom bomb

This bothers me. I guess it's because this is a commercial that airs constantly, which is annoying enough. But beyond that, this line does not help sell the product at all, rendering the annoyance to be completely absent of any conceivable benefit.

Consider: what if their claims are all completely correct, and using this service will allow you to see credit problems coming like an atom bomb. What good does that do you? Suppose you one day are out in the backyard and you look up, only to see an atom bomb coming. What, praytell, are you supposed to do with this knowledge? How exactly is seeing the atom bomb coming going to save you? What good will it do besides putting you into a full-scale panic? Oh great, the atom bomb's coming, so let's stop it. No? Well, let's scream a bunch, 'coz we're gonna die. Is this the service they're offering - it's too late to stop these things, but we'll let you know they're coming so you can be prepared to die? Umm, that's great, thanks. but I think I'll pass.